I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vagina is officially offended.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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