Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
