Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
