wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
