Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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