He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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