Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
