i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
