She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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