bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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