Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
