hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She bit a glass in half.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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