i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
