Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
