i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
