so explain again why im purple
no
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
