Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
