i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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