Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
