I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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