im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
