It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
