Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
