Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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