She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they're like a gay fantastic four
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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