well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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