Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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