I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
