Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
