ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize