i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
