It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
