Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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