It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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