Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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