It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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