your parents love me but you hate me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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