This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
