No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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