I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
