So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
