Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
