I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
