My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
