Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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