Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
