Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
