So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
