I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
