I wish life had little blips of pornography
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize