Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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