It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
