Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
