Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize