Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
