I am puke
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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