I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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