im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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