OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
