We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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