So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
