cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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