the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
