Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're like the curious george of whores
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
