I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize