So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
