It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize