I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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