I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you never un-have a 4some
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
