just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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