also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize