You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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