I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
