OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
